When Asked About Your Past, Pretend You Don't Know A Damn Thing
by some pathetic NEET
Summary: Gengai builds a time machine and the Yorozuya decide to use it to go to their own pasts, but because it's Gintama, something goes wrong. The Yorozuya ends up in the Shinsengumi's pasts and Okita in Kagura's. Stuck for who knows how long, they learn things about each other. How will they screw up, or even help, each other's lives? (Implied Okikagu, T for Language, Title will change)
1. Prologue

**A/N :** Yeah, so this would take place before the manga's current arc. If you want to skip to the next chapter, where the "story" actually begins, then fine. (You also have no idea how hard it was to not put "summary sucks" in the description)

* * *

"Hey, Kondo-san…" Hijikata brought up as him, Kondo, and the first division marched through the streets of Kabukicho. "I've been meaning to ask this since you came back, but why the hell do you have an afro?"

If Hijikata didn't know any better, he could've sworn Kondo was on the verge of tears. "Pops keeps trying to set me up…" he explained in an almost shaky voice. "I'm nearing 31 years old, and apparently that makes me a pathetic loser for not being married yet."

"Well, it's hard to disagree with that when all ya' do is stalk a young woman…" "That doesn't explain the afro." "I thought you were pathetic for different reasons."

"Shut up!" the Gorilla screeched in his raspy, ready-to-cry voice. "Oh! I know! Maybe one of you can go to these marriage meetings for me!" he suggested enthusiastically while putting an arm around Sougo and Hijikata, who were beside him. "Just one will do!"

"Hell no," Hijikata rejected. "I have more important things on my plate than to go pleasing a woman I don't even know."  
Kondo turned almost pleadingly to Sougo.

"Sorry Kondo-san, but I'm going to turn down your offer too," he said not-so apologetically. "I don't care for politics and such, but if she's a princess like that other Gorilla I wouldn't mind marrying her and then divorcing her for half of her belongings."

"Hey, he's a grade A gold digger now!" Hijikata commented darkly, only to go unheard.

"... Besides," he continued, putting his hands behind his neck. "I wouldn't marry anyone my sister couldn't approve of."

"Save the marriage talk for later," Hijikata interrupted as the Shinsengumi came to a halt.

They stood before a run-down looking garage with a shabby sign that had the word "Mechanic" painted on it, but was eroding away.

"We're here. Hiraga Gengai has stayed under the radar for too long. I don't know how, but that ends now."

* * *

 **Prologue : No More Fanfiction Theft!**

* * *

"HEY! Get back here, you good for nothings!" screeched Otose as Shinpachi and Gintoki sped past her and down the stairs. She shook her fist in the air, but it's not like it did anything.

It was their routine of skipping out on the rent. Shinpachi was usually the straight man but after years of being surrounded by bad influences he decided, "Oh screw it," and just went with the flow. Heck, did the years even go by or are we all just delusional? I bet even the Gorilla author doesn't know.

Otose sighed, but it sounded more like a growl. "Those bastards…"

Kagura came out from behind, still in her pajamas, and rubbed her eyes. Evidently what woke her up was all of the screaming. "Huh? What's going on, uh-huh?"

Otose crossed her arms. "Those other freeloaders are on their way out already. Don't you think you should catch up?" she said. Her voice implied that she had given up.

As if she had just been awakened from a great slumber, Kagura lunged forward, grabbing her umbrella from the stand, and leapt off of the outing. "Death Parade!" she chanted as she opened up her umbrella and prepared to land on the ground.

Unfortunately for her, Gintoki had just sped out of the alley on his scooter at full speed, colliding with the unfortunate girl before she even landed. The collision had been so sudden that Kagura didn't even make a noise and just fell limp to the ground. Gintoki made a mini U-turn while Shinpachi looked back at the body in horror.

"K-K… KAGURA-CHAAN!" Shinpachi shrilled as he jumped off of the scooter and ran off to her side. He lightly placed a hand on her shoulder and started panicking when she gave no response. "G-Gin-san… This is bad! She isn't doing anything! Call for help or something!"

Only a few feet away did the doors to Snack Otose slam open with Catherine angrily marching out and Tama watching from the doorway. "Hey, you bastards! It's too early for this much noise! What is this, a murder scene?!"

"M-Murder scene…?" Shinpachi was practically crying, probably because it was a murder scene. "Wh-What do we do?! Gin-san!"

Gintoki shakily got off of his scooter and made slow, tiny steps towards the

unconscious girl. "W-W-Well… She's survived things w-worse than this, right? She's okay, right? Hell, this whole scene has happened before, right?!"

"This is bad… I think Gin-san's lost it…"

Gintoki crouched down by Kagura and began to turn her over. "Right, Kagura-cha-"

As he did so, a pool of what looked like blood started spreading like someone just spilled over a shaken bottle of fanda grape.

Before anyone knew what was going on, Catherine had decided to get the hell out of there while Otose was rushed into the yorozuya to call for help. Shinpachi was screaming bloody murder and Gintoki had crawled between a confused Tama's legs.

"I-It's okay… All we need to do is find a t-t-t-t-time machine…"

"Gintoki-sama…?"

"HEY! What are you doing?! Are you trying to add to our felonies?!"

Gintoki turned back, trying to hold an apathetic face but failing to. "Oh… That's right… They wouldn't know about that reference, right?" And that's how Gintoki found himself unconscious on the floor of Otose's bar, later waking up to Kagura chugging down some fanda grape, because she was fine the whole time apparently.

* * *

"So what you're saying is… you asked Gengai-san to build you a time machine and he succeeded?" asked Shinpachi, solely for expositional reasons.

The three of them were walking towards Gengai's place on a dirt road. It was around sunset by now.

"Then he gave the device to Tama. I used the device to change the past, so all of us should be the 'new' versions of ourselves that wouldn't remember that such an event happened."

"Then how do you remember, uh-huh?"

"Plot convenience. The author's too damn lazy to think of another reason."

The three of them arrived at the mechanics. They took a look up at the sign before heading in.

"Gramps, you here?" called out Gintoki.

Kagura and Shinpachi fanned out, looking around the workshop as no one was in plain sight.

"Is that you, Ginnoji?" asked Gengai's raspy voice as he slid out from under a tarp. "Good, good! I needed some test dummies."

"Test dummies?" Shinpachi echoed with reluctance.

Gengai stood up and pulled the tarp down, revealing this cylindrical chamber. "I don't know how, it must have been a stroke of genius, but I got the inspiration to build a time machine!"

Shinpachi's eyes lowered tediously as he pointed to the TV to Gengai's left. "Gengai-san... Were you watching the second movie?"

Gengai sidestepped in front of the TV. "I was not."

"You were, weren't you?"

"I just want you three to step into the chamber and tell me what happens! You should reappear here in the future only a few seconds later, a minute at most," he informed, pressing a button to open the giant capsule's doors. He went in and took out a mosaic-looking item. "You see, I just put this monjayaki in a minute ago, and just now it came out looking exactly the same!"

"Gengai-san, there's no way to tell if that thing aged or not! It's just a mosaic!"

Gintoki and Kagura seemed unfazed however, and each took a confident step forward. "Gramps… So what you're saying is that this is a fully functioning time machine?"

"Of course!" he replied surely. "But there are some catches. It will only send you back to a past time of your own, but there's no way to control what point in time it sends you to. I also don't know for how long. That's why I need you guys to experiment for me."

"So you want us to go one at a time?" asked Shinpachi, with just an inkling of skepticism.

"You can all go at the same time," he replied. "I intended that multiple people could use it at the same time, hence its size. An improvement from the Time Thief."

"Oh. You just admitted you watched the second movie."

But true to Gengai's words, the size of the capsule was almost the size of a small room, or the size of an exceptionally large walk-in closet.

"Just try not to touch each other. I don't know whether the machine will recognize you as one life force or not. I wouldn't know the repercussions."

"Good enough for us. Alright, let's go guys," Gintoki said cooly while he and Kagura strutted into the machine.

"What? We're really doing this?!" asked a baffled Shinpachi.

"I'm sure that you guys have things from your past that you want to clear up, as well as I…" Gintoki began. "This is probably our only chance to clear up any loose ends that are too frayed now to fix."

"Actually, that might create a paradox, especially if you're transferred to a point in time where your age is close enough that you look exactly the same, so you'll need to wear these," claimed Gengai as he tossed each of them a bracelet. "It'll change the appearance of how you are. That way if you interact with your past self for some reason, there'd be no way for him to put together that it's you."

The three of them slipped on their respective bracelets. Shinpachi then walked into what he was sure would be his mechanical coffin, speculating on his life choices. "Do you two know what you want to do, wherever you show up?"

Suddenly, Gintoki and Kagura's eyes darkened. Shinpachi blinked. He just knew that whatever answers they were going to give were no good.

"Chances are I'll end up at a point in time where Katsura and I were around each other. I'll cut off that bastard's luscious hair! How dare he have better hair than me!" he griped. "Maybe if he loses it in the past, he'll lose all hope and won't outshine me in the future!"

"Kaamuiiiiii!" Kagura growled. "That bitch! How dare the Gorilla author give him better hair than me! I'm going to rip out his pre-pubescent balls and carry them around as a trophy, uh-huh!"

"G-Gengai-san! We can't do this! These two are planning-"

"Happy trails!" Before Shinpachi had the chance to finish, Gengai pressed a button and the metal doors slammed shut, cutting off whatever he was going to say. "Now all I have to do is wait twenty or so seconds for the machine to inspect the specimens in there and they'll be on their way," he said to no one in particular.

"Freeze! Put your hands in the air!" a powerful voice commanded out of nowhere.

Gengai whipped around, his mouth agape.

"This is the Shinsengumi!" Hijikata declared, as random no-name lackeys flooded into the place and surrounded the unsuspecting mechanic. "What was that you said? Specimens in there?" he asked as he, Kondo, and Okita slowly approached the semi-circle from behind.

"How do you open that capsule?!" Kondo demanded.

Sougo's eyes shifted to Gengai's side. "Oh? A button."

"No! Don't press that!" Gengai warned as he attempted to cover it, but he was restrained by more background characters.

Kondo ran up to the button and pressed it. The doors opened up much slower than they closed. "Hey! Is anybody in there?! Are you alright?!"

"Maybe I can decorate them with Papi's sideburns, uh-huh. Since they are from before puberty, there's bound to be no hair down there, yes?"

"... Sometimes you worry me, Kagura-chan. Oh? What's this? The door's opening up?"

Kondo, Hijikata, and Sougo exchanged curious glances before approaching the opening of the capsule. There was a white glow that was gradually getting stronger, strong enough to make them wince.

"Wait, get away from there!" warned Gengai.

"Quiet, you!" one of the background characters demanded, holding Gengai firmly in place.

Kondo's eyes widened. "Shinpachi-kun? Wait… The Yorozuya?!"

"I don't know what the hell you guys are doing there, but get out!" Hijikata demanded as he stepped in, Kondo and Sougo in suit.

"No way! I've got important business to do in here, yes?!"

"Stay out of our business, damned tax robbers!"

Kondo and Hijikata pulled on Shinpachi's and Gintoki's arm respectively while Sougo blocked a strike from an umbrella.

"Don't touch me, uh-huh! You'll give me an STD, yes?"

"Do you even know what an STD is, moron?"

"Just come out! We've got questions for you!" Hijikata demanded.

"Hell no! Don't you know that when you tell someone not to do something, it just makes them want to do it more?!" snapped Gintoki as he kept pulling back, ignoring Hijikata's advances to get him out of there.

"Shinpachi-kun! What is this?!"

"I'll explain later Kondo-san! Just let go for now!"

"Police brutality! This is police brutality, uh-huh!"

"You're the one that swung first, idiot!" retaliated Sougo as he tried to look for an opening to haul the idiot girl out. That, or give her a good punch. After all, he had a right to say it was self defense. For once.

"Ginnoji! You're touching!"

Shinpachi and Gintoki's eyes widened with awareness as they gave both Kondo and Hijikata a forceful and hurried shove. Both of them stumbled out of the capsule, but it was too late. The capsule emitted a blinding white light, courtesy of the unclosed door, with Hijikata's and Kondo's arms missing from their sockets the next second. Before the blinding light, the last thing anyone saw was Gintoki and Shinpachi pushing their pursuers away, fingers still in contact with their arms, and Sougo's and Kagura's fists connected to each others' faces.

The capsule was empty, the four missing people and two missing arms no where in sight. That wasn't because everyone was temporarily blinded either.

"The door! Close the door!" Gengai demanded as he flailed about in the grasp of two Shinsengumi officers.

Kondo had no gripes or complaints and stumbled to the button, pressing it as if it meant life or death. The metal doors shut close with a bang.

Hijikata looked at his right shoulder with horror. "My arm… What happened to my arm?!" he demanded, unsheathing his sword with his other hand and bolting to hold it up to Gengai's neck.

"It'll be back in one piece!" he assured him, wriggling in his predicament. "Hopefully…" he muttered. "A-Ah, Just give it a few seconds!"

"Where is it now?!" demanded Hijikata, as he pressed his sword further into the mechanic's neck, but not hard enough to break skin.

"Wh-Where's Sougo?!" plead Kondo.

* * *

In some war that no one remembers because the Gorilla author hardly writes about it, a group of seven or so men sat huddled in a circle. The room was unlit, except for a single lantern in the center of the circle.

"And so… And so!" Katsura narrated with great emotion. Apparently, he was telling a scary story. "The woman named Machiko, whose soul should have been lost but wasn't, felt fingers creep up on her shoulder left."

The story was proven to be not so scary, as Takasugi and three others seemed unamused. However, Sakamoto was pulling on his hair from the anxiety and Gintoki was also shaking a bit in place; he'd never admit that the story actually scared him though. An elevator that lead to some void? Pfft.

"Machiko turned, with tears in her eyes, fear at her very core. 'Takashi? Takashi?!' she called. She saw his hand gripping her shoulder tightly, so tight that his fingertips turned white. It was too dark to see her husband's face. But then, she soon came to realize that it wasn't dark. She could see herself fine, it was everything else that was black!" the raconteur told fervently. "That means…" Katsura closed his eyes and paused. "IT WAS JUST A SEVERED ARM!"

Sakamoto screeched as he pulled out two sizeable chunks of his hair; yep, he'd have to wear a helmet from now on.

Gintoki turned deathly pale and felt a drop in his stomach. There was a sickly blue hue at his temples. He attempted to keep his poker face, but he couldn't stop that awkward smile as a sweat broke out on his face. "I-Is that it? That was weak…" he commented with a high-pitched voice. He suddenly felt a hand grip his shoulder. "H-Hilarious! Hilarious, Zura! Just cut it out! Can't you see Tatsuma's balding?!"

"It's not Zura, it's Takashi."

Gintoki's face went blank as he realized that Katsura was sitting across from him. Meanwhile the rest of the crew was looking at him like he was a ghost. Even the usually pokerfaced Takasugi.

Gintoki began to turn his head in small, sharp movements, like a sprinkler. His mouth was agape. "D-D-Don't tell me…"

For what was on Gintoki's shoulder was indeed a severed arm, clad in black material. The whole room broke out into high-pitched screams of men whose voices should've dropped by now.

"AAAAAHH! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"

* * *

 **A/N :** I can't write. Someone please take pity on me and re-write this for me.

Anyway, that story that Katsura was telling was a reference to Death Parade, because Takashi has the same VA as Hijikata.

Anyway, while I do plan to make this fanfic Okita and Kagura centered, there will be little bits of Shinpachi and Gintoki in there. That being said, I know what point in Kondo's life Shinpachi is going to end up in, but I've been back and forth between when to put Gintoki. So, to the one reviewer out there, the fate of Gintoki's sidestory is in your hands. Should he show up when Hijikata is 11 (around the time Tamegoro's eyes got slashed out) or a bit later when he becomes Thorny?

(Actually if you want an overview, the fic will probably be mostly Okita and Kagura, some bits of Gintoki and Hijikata, and little mentions of Shinpachi)

Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 : In All Dramatic Movies, Rain Means Something Deep and Emotional That I Don't Have the Patience For, so if You Pretend to be Moved, That'll Save a lot of Exposition.**

* * *

Nothing in particular hurt, but Sougo found himself unmoving, slumped against a coarse brick building in some alley.

"..." He slowly propped himself up and looked around, his hair drenched with rainwater. 'Oh. So it's raining.' The sky was littered with gray clouds and not a single speck of light shone through, so it was impossible to tell what time of day it was.

But where the hell is he? Last he remembered, he was walking down some dirt road with the Shinsengumi, on their way to a bust. After blinking a few more times, his head began to start pounding. The sound of fat raindrops from all around him didn't help at all.

He slumped back down, placing his elbow on his propped up knee, and held his head. 'Was I knocked out?'

A flash of yellow and orange coming from the opening of the alleyway caught his attention; he had only seen it from the corner of his eye, but he was positive someone had just run past. In a daze, he stared at the opening for a few more seconds, until a few tiny fingers crept their way onto the corner of the building.

'A kid..?' Sougo deduced, looking at the sizes of the fingers and where they were on the wall.

Bright orange hair, vibrant in even this dull grey lighting, and one blue eye crept out from behind the corner. Her cloth hair bun was soaked, but other than sagging in place was surprisingly kempt. The girl blinked before letting go of the wall and walking out in front of the alley.

'Wait...' Sougo squinted at the girl. 'She looks exactly like...'

She was wearing a yellow raincoat and rainboots. She had two pink hair buns in the same hairstyle that a certain pain-in-his-ass had. She was also going back and forth between looking at him and the umbrella in her hand; a child sized parasol colored yellow with prints of pink pastel cartoon rabbit heads. Her face was expressionless, but still managed to have an innocent-looking vibe.

Sougo was well aware that there were many lookalikes in this world; after all, the yorozuya boss once came to him with a baby that was almost surely his (but it turned out it wasn't), and there was this other police force whose commander and vice commander resembled an uglier Kondo and Hijikata. For this reason, he didn't jump to conclusions. "Well? What do you want, brat? Can't you see that I'm beat up here?"

The girl didn't respond. She instead started skipping to Sougo with her parasol's hand in the air. She made little hops, almost as if she was playing hopscotch. The light tapping sounds from her boots were somewhat muffled by the rain. She then looked up at Sougo, which wasn't by much since he was slouching, and held the umbrella over his head. She lifted his hand to hold the handle while he simply stared at her blankly. "You'll catch a cold if you're in the rain." Her voice sounded just a bit higher pitched than her lookalike, but was nonetheless near identical.

His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What are you-"

The girl already began to skip away, faster than the pace she had approached Sougo with. Heck, it looked like she was running away.

Sougo narrowed his eyes, conflicted between feeling suspicious and just downright confused. "Hey, brat! Come back here!"

She ignored him. Once she was out of the alley, she started running ten speed in the direction she had been going before.

"Hey, idiot! Don't you realize you're the one in the rain now?" he called out, to no response. "Tch…" he ducked his head under the child-sized umbrella and closed his eyes. He was going to find out what the hell was going on later. For now, he just wanted to doze off.

Not even seconds later after Sougo found himself as comfy as possible did he hear angry men yelling and hard boots clattering in sync with the rain. The sound ceased within his vicinity.

"Hey! It's that stupid umbrella!"

Sougo, face still shielded by the umbrella, looked up. "Huh?"

In the mouth of the alleyway stood five or so incredibly bulky and hairy men; your typical thug looking guys in tattered rags.

"That's the guy that stole from our hideout while we were gone!" said the same raspy voice.

Sougo blinked, deadpan. "What?"

"Damn bastard! I don't know how you managed to get in, but you've got some damn nerve to steal from us!"

Then it clicked. The little girl that ran away had just made him the scapegoat for some highway robbery. Sougo could almost visualize a conniving, mischievous smirk coming from under that little girls innocent face.

"Get that pretty boy! Loot him for everything he's worth!" screamed the man again, as they all charged to him with with battle cries.

Sougo clenched his free fist. A shrill of, "THAT DAMNED BITCH!" echoed throughout the whole city, heard alongside the sounds of fighting and men screaming.

* * *

One second Kagura swore she was knocking the daylights out of a certain sadist, but the next thing she knew she was punching empty air.

Kagura blinked. She felt her hair and clothing start to dampen and looked up at the sky. It was raining. She took her umbrella and opened it up, hovering it over her head in a way that wouldn't obscure her vision.

She looked around. "This is supposed to be my past, yes? But this doesn't look like home…" she observed. The only places she had lived in was a ghetto city on her home planet and in Kabukicho, and she couldn't imagine this place being relatively close to either. She was standing alone in some clearing with grass that looked like wheat.

"Gaah! That old man! Don't tell me his invention didn't work and now I'm lost forever, yes?!" She spat on the ground with disgust.

Well, wherever the hell she was, Earth or not, all she had to do was hitch rides. So first thing was first, she had to learn where she was. Looking around, she noticed a small boy huddling under a tree, presumably taking shelter from the rain.

Kagura walked over to the boy who didn't notice her until she started towering him.

The boy looked up at her and frowned. He had red eyes and brown hair. The outfit he was wearing, which consisted of white and green, was drenched.

Kagura held the umbrella over his head. "Hey, brat. Get up. We're going for a walk, uh-huh." If she had sunglasses on, she'd be a total gangster. "Consider this a favor, uh-huh."

"Who said I needed your help?" the boy spat back sassily. He crossed his arms and pouted. "How did you get here anyway?! And who are you?!"

Kagura stared at the boy, unamused, and began to pick her nose. "A friend. A foe. Or whatever movie crap you want to reference, uh-huh." She flicked the gold she dug at the boy.

"GAH!" The boy scurried away backwards on all fours. He looked at Kagura with an expression too livid to fit any normal child. "Wh-What was that for, bastard?! Answer my questions, damn it!"

Kagura's eyes narrowed with annoyance. She shifted. "You don't get it, do you brat? I'm offering you shelter for the rain as long as you lead me back to town or whatever, yes?" She sighed. "But if you believe all of that 'Stranger Danger' crap, then be my guest. I suppose I'll just have to find my own way, uh-huh."

"Wait! How did you get here?!" the boy interjected before she could start walking away. "Did that bastard tell you where I was?!" Kagura noted how defensive she was.

"Like I care to know where little bastard children jerk off in the day," Kagura said apathetically as she began to walk away. "Think more highly of me, yes?"

She heard muddy steps race in her direction. "Take that back and answer me, damn it!"

"OW OW OW lemme go you brat!" Kagura growled.

The little boy had jumped on her back and latched onto her as if she was giving him a piggy back ride. With one hand, he reached for one of her hair buns and started pulling hard, and with the other, began to choke her.

"Who sent you?! I'll never hand over the documents!" It almost looked as if the boy was riding a mechanical bull.

Kagura managed to pry the arm off of her neck, but still struggled to get a full view of the lunatic child on her back. "What documents?!" Kagura belted back as the boy pulled hard enough to tilt her head so that it touched her shoulder. "Little kids should be playing in the sun instead of playing 'spies,' uh-huh!" Kagura had tried to pry the boy off with her free hand, but seeing as that failed, she completely dropped her umbrella and took to holding the boy's hands and trying to pry them off of her.

Where the Hell was this kid's parents? Kagura would be giving them a beating or two.

"You asked for it, you damned brat!" Kagura grinded her heel across the muddy ground beneath her a couple of times before exhaling steam from her nose. "HOORAAAAA!" she battle cried as started running backwards at ten speed into a tree not too far away. She was going to ram this bitch right into the tree trunk.

The little boy started screaming and closed his eyes, waiting for the impact, but he felt a firm palm on his back, stopping them from crashing into the tree.

The surprise impact made Kagura slip backwards and fall over into the ground, which was all mud. She felt it go through her clothes and into her hair and started cursing like a trucker, but all of that was muffled. Meanwhile the palm gripped the boy's clothing tightly, keeping him suspended in the air.

The boy knew who it was and frowned as his captor turned him over. An older boy held him in suspension by the back of his shirt and looked at the cracked hair bun in the younger boy's grip. "What are you doing, you moron?" His voice was deep. Unlike the smaller boy, he already sounded like his balls dropped tenfold.

The little boy said nothing and turned his head, cheeks puffed, and crossed his arms. "None of your business!" he said, although his pouting made the words a bit muffled.

Kagura looked up at the newcomer with chagrin; yes, she was grateful that the wanna-be cowboy was off of her back, but at the same time she wanted the brat to be plastered on the tree and hurting all over.

The newcomer was in a dark blue yukata and also held an umbrella in one hand. He had black hair with v-cut bangs and a ponytail that Kagura had the urge to pull on. He looked down at Kagura; his expression was difficult to decipher.

But the two boys together looked rather familiar… But alas, Kagura is too dense and needs more hints to get it.

* * *

Sougo crouched down by one of the five unconscious men at his feet. As soon as the thugs had began to charge at him, Sougo nearly jumped up; his guard had been down and he had a massive headache, so if he wasn't ready then, these crusty guys would have probably sold him in the bishounen slave trade by now.

Oh. You thought Sougo was the one getting beat up? Oh, no. Don't you know that main characters always get out of these situations on top?

He came out of the fight unscathed, but at the cost of his uniform being ripped in some places. He looked at the closed umbrella in his hand; he used it as a makeshift sword and surprisingly it was scratch-free. Despite its size, the parasol was most definitely a weapon, seeing how it was able to withstand striking against strong metal. He tried feeling around it for buttons or something, remembering how the yorozuya girl's umbrella doubled as a gun, but found nothing.

Sougo thought back to earlier events as he dug through the man's pocket. No wallet. "Well, I guess the rest of them would be empty too then."

He deduced that the girl had stolen from their pockets. He walked towards the entry of the alley, umbrella in hand (but not opened), and looked off in the direction the girl ran.

His surroundings reeked of decay and his sight was saturated with buildings, some of which looked inhabited and some which didn't; despite the ubiquitous demolition, whatever remained standing looked rather sturdy. Others just looked plain old and ready to topple over. Although some parts Kabukicho was the epitome of the aftermath of nuclear war, this place looked much more gloomier and commercial. He couldn't imagine one plain house within the vicinity. In addition, Sougo couldn't recall there being so many concrete and brick buildings in Kabukicho.

Sighing, Sougo assumed if he was fast enough, he could catch up to some little girl, and started sprinting down the road. That was assuming she didn't go into one of the buildings to hide.

The few other people and amanto on the street gave him curious looks but did nothing by it. He heard whispers of some pointing out his umbrella; perhaps this child was a known thief, but that didn't guarantee any of them knew where she ran off to. Sougo wasn't sure what he was going to do once he got his hands on her, but that was a problem for later.

He saw a head of orange hair, same hue as the girl's, but the figure was taller. Only by a little. She had a braid, a rather mundane outfit, and an umbrella; it looked very used, but not in the sense of shielding someone from rain. Sougo looked at the umbrella in his hand. Another one?

She was whistling carefree. The hand she used to hold her umbrella was also holding onto some groceries. Her free hand was limp at her side, and Sougo could have sworn there was a red hue to the rainwater dripping off of it. Even though she was just a kid, there were a few bystanders that looked like they recognized her and so stayed out of her radius.

Other than them both looking like child-trafficked thugs, there was no telling if this little girl and the other one were related or not, but hell, this is a fanfiction so obviously they are. With that mindset, Sougo started trailing the girl back to wherever she was going.

* * *

Sougo didn't know that this place could look any more ghetto. As they went on, the place looked more and more destroyed. He couldn't imagine too many people frequenting here, and it appeared that way as only he and the girl were around. Some buildings were beyond repair, to the point where only a fourth of a wall existed.

It was almost eerie how the girl's whistling echoed through empty air.

'Was there some kind of war here?' Sougo wondered.

The girl stopped short, ceasing her whistling. She twisted her body and looked at the boy with this odd sort of smile that was perfect for a horror movie. "Hmm?"

Sougo got a closer look at the girl this way, and upon further inspection of her physique, he noticed that "she" was actually a "he." Even though his voice was a bit high, it was most definitely one of a little boy. In a way, Sougo sympathized with him because he too was sort of trap-ish.

"I guess this means I was right, huh? You were following me."

Sougo was a bit taken back by how this little kid had noticed him trailing him, but remained stoic on the outside.

"So? What do you want now? Are we going to fight?" It almost sounded as if that was exactly what the little boy wanted to do. "Or…" His eyes drifted to the parasol in Sougo's arm. "Damn, that brat… Couldn't finish the job."

Sougo tilted his head in confusion. Not that cursing put him off, but it wasn't common for pipsqueaks like this one to have such a dirty mouth. Not only that, but was this little boy talking about his probably-toddler sister killing a man? Child assassins were nothing new, but…

The boy smiled at him. "So? What is it you want to do?"

"..." Sougo hadn't expected to be confronted. It's not that he was faltering or anything, but he didn't plan to make any talk; just haul a little girl from her dwelling until he felt satisfied with revenge. He threw the umbrella at the boy's feet.

The boy's head tilted down, the same smile on his face, yet somehow he looked a bit confused by the action.

"That girl was your sister, right?" asked Sougo. "Then does that meant he groceries in your hand are stolen too?" Sougo tucked his hand in his pocket. "And from the looks of it, taking all of those goods was no cakewalk for you either."

The boy gradually hid his hand behind his back as he spoke. His smile broke, his cool facade ceasing. "And what's it to you?"

"You just admitted a to a felony, brat." Sougo took out handcuffs from his pocket and twirled it around on his finger. "Child or not, I really don't care. You're under arrest."

The boy's eyes narrowed in amusement. "Do I have the right to remain silent, officer?" His tone was mocking. "Don't be shitting me right now."

Sougo found that odd but said nothing of it. "I'll take that bratty sister in your place," he offered. 'Like Hell I will,' he thought. "What'll it be, _big brother_?"

"Fine." The boy turned around.

Sougo took that as a cue to follow. 'Odd kid...'

* * *

Kagura followed the two boys back to wherever they were going. Earlier she had asked the ponytail boy which way town was, because heck, he seemed sane, and he had offered to show her back.

The two boys shared an umbrella, an action that the brown haired boy clarified that he hated, while Kagura trailed behind with her own.

Much to her annoyance, the small boy still held her broken hair bun in hand; he shot her glares from time to time, but Kagura wouldn't go for his provocation again.

The three of them were walking on a hard path that was isolated by two large bodies of golden grass. In the distances beside her, she could make out houses that were for some reason distanced far from the path.

The ponytail boy then stopped. "Well, I don't know how you got here, but this is the countryside," mentioned the ponytail man. Kagura had mentioned to him that she had gotten lost by a riveting game of kick the can, and so he agreed to let her follow them back. "People live all around, but you'll have to walk a while down this path before finding an established town."

Kagura began to walk again. She then reached for her hair bun, prying it from the boy's hands. He protested, but Kagura kept walking. She began to toss it in her hand. "See you at the camphor tree, Totoro," she called back.

" _Totoro_?" the boy repeated vigorously. Like Hell was he being compared to that giant cat thing. "I'd watch your back though," the ponytail boy warned.

Kagura's grip tightened around her umbrella and she stopped. She didn't know if countryside yakuza existed or not, but she sure as Hell wasn't taking any chances.

"There are some pretty rowdy ruffians around here. They won't take it easy on you because you're a woman," he warned.

Kagura held up a hand in acknowledgement and continued walking, still tossing the hair bun. "Don't worry about it, uh-huh. I can handle myself."

"If you say so," the ponytail boy replied apathetically.

The two boys began to walk off of the path, towards a house out in the field. They stopped shortly though, having noticed someone coming out to greet them, and rather near them too.

"Sister!" the small boy said happily as he ran to the girl's side, under her own umbrella.

"Sou-chan! You're all wet!" she said with worry. "Let's go quickly…" The girl's voice was light, airy, and soft-spoken.

'Sou-chan...' Kagura echoed in her head. What a wimpy name.

She looked up at the ponytail boy. "Toushiro-san… Thank you for going out to find Sou-chan. I hope he didn't give you too much trouble."

Kagura halted. 'Toushiro-san..?' She caught the hair bun once more and crushed it in her grip, shards scattering around her.

The boy puffed his cheeks in annoyance, as if to say, "He's the damn trouble," but kept quiet.

"Who was that girl you were speaking to?" she asked. "Oh?" She had noticed Kagura had stopped walking.

'Wait… Wait wait wait wait…" It was all coming to her. Kagura looked at the bracelet on her wrist. In the time machine… she and the sadistic jackass had been punching each other, yes? That little had been called "Sou-chan," short for "Sougo," yes? And the little boy looked exactly like… Kagura felt a sweat break out on her dry skin and cracked a crooked smile. "N-No way, uh-huh."

Shakily, like an unoiled robot, she turned her head, that awkward and almost scary expression still on her face. The woman had called him "Toushiro," yes?! And said "Toushiro" looked exactly like the Mayora.

Kagura was freaking out so much that her thoughts had flooded into the narrative. She shook her head vigorously, that look of disbelief still splayed on her face. "No way, uh-huh... It's not possible, uh-huh..." she muttered to herself. She was stuck in the tax robbers' past time, yes?!

Luckily, the three seemed unfazed by Kagura's nightmare-fuel facial expression. Heck, the fact that she was sweating buckets could have easily been blamed for the fact that rain was dripping down her face; she had dropped her umbrella the second she had realized that she wasn't in her own past, but the sadist's.

The woman, more accurately a girl, stared back at her with her warm eyes. She had the same colored hair as the boy, and had it up in a ponytail that reminded Kagura of Otae's. She smiled at her kindly. "You aren't going out alone this late at night, are you?" she asked. "Please, if you will, come back with us," she invited sincerely. "And you are?"

Kagura was twitching, her mouth still agape. "G-Gurako."

Gin-chan said that if she was ever lost to never tell anyone her real identity, but did being lost in time count? Oh, she really needed to punch a bitch. Hijikata then had one hell of a hard time separating her from the pre-pubescent Sougo.

* * *

Sougo and the pre-pubescent trap eventually entered an alley made by one destroyed wall and an abandoned building. Down the alley, the standing building was revealed to have holes in it. Further down, there was a small portion of the building that looked like it had been attempted to be repaired with damp wood and old planks. It looked cramped and shabby at best, the crass combination of scrap metal and splintering wood set against decaying stone slab. Sougo wondered if the kids attempted to make it themselves.

Nonetheless, there was light peeking out of the many crevices; it looked strong enough to be powered by electricity, despite looking like an apocalypse survivor's makeshift shack.

The young trap was ahead of him and therefore entered before he was even near. 'What a little gentleman,' Sougo thought to himself. The boy didn't bother to wait or hold open the door, not that Sougo cared, but he'd think that the boy would be cautious about a total stranger entering his living quarters.

Sougo looked at the umbrella in his hand; the trap didn't pick it up, so Sougo had reclaimed it when he passed it. Well, it was probably a good thing too, because Sougo didn't know whether or not to expect to fight child-traffickers once he went through that door.

Nearly a minute later, Sougo entered the shabby-at-best dwelling and found himself surprised. Despite its destitute-looking exterior, the inside looked rather normal. The walls were lined with fine-finished wood, the floor was tiled with polished stone, and there were furniture sets; nothing luxurious, but it didn't scream "poverty" either.

Sougo listened in on the voices he heard coming from around the corner; to his left was a hallway. He took cautious steps until he saw enough. The hallway had three openings, and he saw the boy's back through the closest one. The room looked small enough to be a walk-in closet. He saw the boy standing before a woman tucked in her futon. His arm was behind his back, clenching the cloth of his shirt like it hurt.

From what little of the woman Sougo could see, she had pale skin and long orange hair, again matching her child's, that was too disheveled to show any recent TLC. 'Is she a NEET?' wondered Sougo.

"And you didn't run into trouble like last time?" asked her lugubrious but feminine, fragile voice.

A shake of the head. "Nope."

"Is your father back yet?"

"..." The smile on the boy's face was unwavering, but Sougo could sense the tension.

"... Kamui, when are you going to tell me what happened?"

"Nothing happened," Kamui replied, but his tone was suspiciously cheery.

Sougo tried to get a better look of the woman and took a few more steps.

"... Umibozu? Is that you, Umibozu?" the frail voice called from in the room.

'Umobizu?' Sougo wondered. 'The alien hunter?'

Kamui's head whipped back, a glare on his face that could kill a thousand newborn kittens.

"... Papi?" The voice was incredibly high and full of hope; the voice of the culprit who gave him the umbrella of death.

"You're not…" the frail woman who Sougo assumed was their mother. "Who are you?"

Further down the hall, which was only a few paces, a few tiny fingers crept their way onto the corner of the doorway. A head peeped out and those same blue eyes stared back at him.

Sougo stared disbelievingly. He was not going to deal with this corny crap, so he decided to ruin the moment. "Ushio?" he called out. His actions subsequently got him a kick to the head by Kamui. Before anyone knew what was happening, Kamui's braid was happily bouncing up and down while Sougo was half-buried into the concrete floor. He blinked. "What?"

* * *

 **A/N :** Okay. So. I got 1 vote Thorny Hijikata, 1 vote Chibikata (11 year old Hijikata). Next vote's the tiebreaker. (In case none of you know/recall, last chapter I asked what point in time Gintoki should show up in Hijikata's past)

Also, I'm not a fan of japanese language in english fanfiction, but I kept honorifics because I felt like they're important to establish relationships in Gintama. That being said, I don't know what to have Sougo call Mitsuba. "Aneue" sounds better than "Sister," but idk. What do the two of you who read the author's note think?


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N :** I just realized that I never responded to the guest reviews from the prologue, so that's at the end. Please read Gintama fanfiction from a considerable distance in a well-lit room (or however it goes, because I'm too lazy to look for an episode with the exact quote).

* * *

 **Chapter 2 : First Dates are Like First Impressions. If the Other Guy Looks Confident and Lacks the Awkwardness We All Hold Dear to Our Hearts, That Guy's Gonna Turn Out to be a Grade A Asshole.**

* * *

Kagura had no options; she could find a way to Kabukicho, but then what? She'd still be stuck in the past, right?

And there was no telling if Gintoki would be there by now. Judging by the mini sadist, she was about ten years in the past, give or take, and if she recalled correctly there was some war being fought, and Gintoki was in it.

Also, there was no guarantee Gengai would help her out by building a new time machine. He didn't know her in the past. And didn't he say something about returning to her own time on her own?

So that's how Kagura found herself kneeling awkwardly at a table that was only made for four. They had introduced themselves by now, three of them being the tax robbers, and one of them being a woman Kagura hadn't met, but heard of from Gintoki; she didn't know much, other than she was dead in the future, because that's all that Gintoki would tell her and Shinpachi about the topic when they had found his stash of photos from behind the "Sugar Content" board over his desk.

The other four seaters would sneak glances at her when they thought she didn't notice, but she most definitely did notice. Mitsuba and Kondo only seemed to be curious, but Hijikata and Sougo were suspicious. Hell, at least it was a free dinner, so Kagura pretended not to notice and continued scarfing down her food.

Mitsuba was delighted to see someone not making a fuss over her putting so much tabasco sauce on her food. She decided to try and make conversation. "So… Gurako-san was it? I had trouble hearing your name earlier."

Kagura looked up at Mitsuba, her cheeks puffed out with all of the food she stuffed in there; she was about to correct her, but remembered her alibi and nodded before returning to her meal.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like a change of clothes?" she asked kindly. "Your attire is still rather wet."

"I'm fine," Kagura replied uncaringly, but it sounded more like, "Umf onn."

The Gorilla across from her laughed that loud, obnoxious laugh of his. "I guess you're a heavy eater, huh?"

To no response, the other four began to eat at their own pace. After a few moments of silence, Mitsuba asked, "So, Gurako-san… What were you doing out so late?"

"Nothing in particular," Kagura answered truthfully between bites. "I took a ride in a DeLorean and found myself here to get two youngsters together, uh-huh."

Mitsuba giggled. "My, what a unique sense of humor." Her eyes drifted to Kagura's hair. "I'm sorry again about Sou-chan ruining your hair ornament…"

"I have lots more at home, uh-huh," she assured her.

"Where is your home?"

Kagura actually put thought into this. "Kabukicho."

"K-Kabukicho?" asked a surprised Kondo.

"Oh my, that's so far away! How did you manage to get all the way here?"

"I took the midnight train going anywhere, uh-huh," Kagura said confidently.

"What happened to the DeLorean?" asked straight man Hijikata, but was ignored like all straight men are. "Do you even know where the Hell you are right now?"

Kagura wiped her mouth with the back of her wrist and sighed happily, her dinner completely obliterated. She stood up and went to leave. "Thanks for the meal, uh-huh."

"You don't mean to go out at this time, do you..?" Mitsuba asked worriedly. She turned to the shoji that Kagura had opened. "It's still raining. You have an umbrella, but it's so dark out… You can barely see a thing."

"I can manage, uh-huh." Kagura was about to leave, but she was interrupted.

"I was worried sick when Sou-chan didn't come back on his own," Mitsuba confided. "Bushuu is that kind of place; I wouldn't have been surprised if something did happen."

"I'm capable of protecting myself, uh-huh," Kagura assured her. "I've dealt with the yakuza and my god father before, so some country boys playing with matsui sticks should be no problem, yes?"

Kondo noticed the bracelet on Kagura's wrist. "Gurako-san, maybe you'd like to spend just the night here," he suggested. "If you're really not familiar with the place, it's hard to navigate in the dark."

"Kondo-san, is that really okay?" Hijikata rejected fervently. "I picked this girl up in seclusion; Hell, Sougo may jump on anyone like a mosquito on the verge of death, but he was still attacking her and she didn't look like she was going to hold back."

"She found my secret hideout!" Sougo bitterly tried to justify his reason for attacking Kagura.

"Brat! That's no reason for you to pull on my hair, yes?!"

"It wasn't such a secret… Everyone knows where it is," mentioned Hijikata.

"We'd feel better if you waited until it was bright out to leave," agreed Mitsuba as she took Kagura's hand in her own. She turned to Hijikata and smiled sweetly. "What's the worst she can do, right?"

Hijikata looked away and scratched his head.

Kagura then thought back to her initial thoughts of following the Shinsengumi back to Mitsuba's place, and realized she had nothing past actually leaving the establishment, so that would probably mean she'd live like a hobo until she was magically teleported back to her own time.

Mitsuba sensed Kagura's reluctancy. "I'd be delighted if you could stay over, Gurako-san," she said with a kind smile.

Sougo frowned and began tugging on his sister's sleeve. "What good can she staying do? These guys already come over every day for dinner. We don't need another freeloader, right aneue?" It was almost as if he was begging her to think it over.

Kagura smirked. "Freeloader? Heh, what do you think you are, you brat?" she shot back. "I've been a freeloader my whole life, and I have no plans at stopping here."

Sougo puffed his cheeks with irritation and grumbled something she couldn't hear.

Mistuba and Kondo smiled. "We don't have a big house, but we'll try to make it as comfortable for you as possible!"

* * *

Gintoki looked from side to side. He had only blinked, and suddenly his surroundings have changed.

It was dusk; the sanguine sky was playing tricks on Gintoki's vision. The field of wheat he was standing in hurt to look at with all of the red glare reflecting off of it.

Gintoki bent down. '... This isn't wheat,' he realized and stood back up. 'Just a field of dying grass.'

So was his younger self around somewhere? He looked behind him and saw another person sitting in the grass, almost buried by it, and breathing heavily.

'Zura?' wondered Gintoki. 'No, Zura never had a ponytail that high… Hell, do I even know anyone with a ponytail like that?' He looked at his surroundings one more time before deducting that no one else was around. Well, whoever the Hell this was would probably give him a hint to where he was in his timeline; there weren't too many people that Gintoki familiarized with.

Gintoki started walking towards the figure until it flinched. Within the next second, the alarmed person had shot up and put his wooden sword up. His eyes were livid.

Gintoki halted. He didn't recognize this boy; he assumed it was a boy and not a man due to his height.

The boys breaths didn't cease; they were so heavy that his shoulders rocked up and down. There were a few cuts on his face and exposed skin.

"Who are you?!" the boy demanded. His voice was raspy and somewhat strained. Also familiar. It was fair to say that his voice did not match his body though; he sounded like a middle-aged chain smoker. Oh well. Maybe he was just a baby-faced midget.

Gintoki placed a hand on his own sword's hilt. Unexpectedly, the boy lunged at him. Gintoki took a step back and almost tripped. There was a brief look of shock on his face, before he wielded his sword and took up a stance. Gintoki's eyes narrowed.

The boy glowered; he really hated when people were able to dodge so easily. "Where are you from?" he demanded. "I didn't see you earlier, so what? Are you from someplace else?"

Gintoki didn't answer. Really, what would he answer with? He didn't know what the Hell this boy was talking about.

"I asked you a question, damn it!"

"Well what kind of person responds kindly to the boy who attacks him without even saying a word, huh? You bastard."

"..." The boy seemed to contemplate lowering his guard, but still stood strong. His eyes drifted to the wording etched into the sword. "'Lake Toya?'" With that examination, the boy relaxed his muscles, but still didn't sheath his sword.

Gintoki, sensing that the danger was gone, reattached his own sword back to his belt.

"Get the Hell out, outsider," warned the boy as he too put his training sword away. "You're clearly not from a dojo, and loners like us always get picked off."

"My stick isn't rotting! How old do you think I am, huh?!"

The boy ignored his remark and began to walk away with his semi-hunched, leaving Gintoki to watch him while remaining clueless as all Hell.

Gintoki scrunched his eyebrows, irritation unfaltering. "Tch… Damn kid. What the hell was that all about? Really..." Though this boy made him rather curious; that and he was the only sign of life within the vicinity, and therefore was the only hint to Gintoki's whereabouts. 'That old man... ' he thought, referring to Gengai. 'That junk closet better have not sent me to the unknown.'

* * *

Sougo couldn't believe his whereabouts, so he just stared front, aloof. Blinked a few times. Went to see if anything changed. Not at all.

"... What the Hell?"

That little child did not just embed his body into the stone ground. Hell no.

With that same deadpan look, Sougo looked up at Kamui.

Kamui looked down at him menacingly with an odd smile. "I'll kill you."

"..." Sougo had no response to that, so he just stared at Kamui, aloof. Blinked a few times. Went to see if anything changed. Not at all.

Knowing very well that superhuman strength was fiction, he decided to go all Conan on this case. The two children were carrying around umbrellas. Another glance proved that they had really pale skin. And the super strength. They had to be yatos. There was no other explanation. Well, damn. He knew that they were a warrior race, but he didn't expect mere _children_ to hold such a prowess.

Kamui grabbed Sougo by his hair and pulled him out. Sougo dusted himself off like nothing happened.

The girl crept from out of the doorway and pointed a finger at him. "You're alive."

"No shit, little girl."

She dashed at Sougo and was about to have at him, if it wasn't for her mother interrupting.

"Kagura!" Although her voice was for the most part soft-spoken, it was enough to make the little girl stop in her tracks.

'Kagura...' Sougo looked at the girl. His pupils dilated. 'Oh Hell no.'

Kagura was right in front of Sougo and looked up with him, stretching her head back so much that it looked like it might pop off of her neck.

"Kamui… Take your sister away for now," their mother demanded.

"Mother, you don't even know this man," Kamui pointed out.

"Nor do I know what you've been doing," she shot back. "Come back in a few minutes, alright?"

Kamui looked somewhat irritated but did as he was told, taking hold of the cloth on Kagura's shoulder and hauling her out. The whole time, Kagura stared back at Sougo with an expression that indicated she couldn't decipher how the man was still standing. When the two left the door, the woman in bed tried to stand up.

"... Don't bother," interrupted Sougo as he welcomed himself into the small closet of a room and sat down, legs crossed.

The woman didn't respond, but at the very least sat up if she couldn't stand. "..." She didn't know how to start the conversation.

"Your kid set me up to take the blame for some looting," Sougo began. He pointed a thumb at the hallway, where the bunny umbrella was.

She sighed. "I'm… sorry for whatever Kagura's done."

Sougo spoke quickly. "Before you go on, I'd like to clarify something." He didn't wait for an answer. "Her name is Kagura, and your husband's name is Umibozu?"

The woman nodded.

"Umibozu the alien hunter?"

Suddenly, the woman looked somewhat cautious, but nodded again.

'There are two possibilities for this...' Sougo thought to himself. 'Either that alien hunter sleeps around, has multiple families, and has a thing for the name 'Kagura,' or...'

"... If you'd please accept my apology," the woman interrupted, "I'll use the best of my ability to make it up to you. I don't know what's gotten into them lately."

Sougo was snapped out of his thoughts. "So you didn't send them out to do that?"

"Of course not," the woman said; she almost sounded disappointed. "You see… recently, my children have been acting strange," she explained.

"That's not my problem." Sougo was still miffed about a little girl having one over him, although he'd never admit it.

"It shouldn't be," she agreed, a sincere look of apology on her face. "Although if I could stop them I would, but you see… I have these spells where sometimes I'm fine, but at other times I have to be bedridden. I'm afraid I can't take any action in this state. I can tell them to stop what they're doing, but I have no way of actually…" the woman's voice trailed off.

Sougo dug out his badge from his jacket. "I'm no bad guy here, but I'm no chivalrous gentleman; I'll drag those brats down to the station unless I find a reason not to."

The woman blinked, confused, then looked at the badge. "Edo..? Policeman?" She looked confused for a brief moment. "Earth..?" She sounded slightly alarmed. "You're really from Earth?"

"Where else would I be from?" challenged Sougo.

"I don't know..." the woman pursed her lips. "But what station are you talking about? It's not like there's any police stations around here. Any ones in use anyway…"

"..."

The woman sensed Sougo's dubiety. "... You do know you're not on planet Earth right now, don't you?"

Sougo barely contained his surprise. "What do you mean?"

"If I told you where you were, you probably wouldn't be familiar with the place anyway; this is a completely different planet."

Sougo was about to object, but then he realized that his surroundings haven't resembled any place he'd been to in his whole life. It could easily be a different city as opposed to a planet, but something about the sky seemed different. Almost duller, like it got less sunlight than most places.

"There really is no police here," the woman explained. "If there was, do you think that this city would be in such disarray? Therefore, you have no actual authority. Not that I don't respect your rank, but I'm afraid if you touch my children, I'll accuse you of kidnapping." The woman's voice didn't sound any more threatening despite the remark, but her warning gaze at Sougo was message enough.

Sougo was just a bit surprised at the woman's sudden offensive. "No police, huh?"

The woman looked away. "If there were police, or any kind of justice system, do you really think this place would be so gangly?" The woman held a hand to her forehead. "My children are turning into thieves… just to bring home dinner..." She shook her head. "That shouldn't even be necessary. Umibozu always sends money."

Sougo, deciding that the woman would go on a tangent anyway, led the conversation into the direction which would get him answers related to the identity of the little girl. "So Umibozu isn't here often?"

The woman sighed. "He used to only leave for about a week, come back… But ever since a few months ago, he hasn't been back since."

"What happened?"

The woman shook her head. "Something happened, but… My children won't tell me what. In fact, Kamui has gradually gotten more distant… The only face I've seen him with since is this unearthly smile. And Kagura… she's become so expressionless." She seemed to notice her ramblings. "I apologize for going on about my own problems. Umibozu should be coming back soon; he sent a letter. If you'd like, I can tell him to send you to Earth," she offered, "but how did you end up here anyway?"

"I wouldn't know," Sougo answered plainly. "Some jackass must have knocked me out and thought this would be a hilarious prank. I'd like to see how much that guy'll laugh when I come back and rearrange his innards."

The woman looked uncomfortable but said nothing by it.

"So that's how it is; that'll be your token of apology," replied Sougo. "Get me home and I'll leave you to tend to your children who'll probably fall into the hands of some sympathetic gang member."

He decided not to be so difficult since he really had no clue about his surroundings. Also, the little girl intrigued him. There was no possible way that could have been the yorozuya girl, but she shared the same name, the same face, and almost the same voice. If this was some kind of vivid dream, Sougo would curse the gods for giving him such a nightmare, and if it wasn't, he could claim to cracking time travel and make a fortune; of course, that was only if this little girl was the same little girl he knew.

"Then I have one more request, Mr. Policeman," the woman proposed; it was as if she gave Sougo credibility just for being a cop, even though badges could easily be forged. "During your stay here, watch over my children and make sure they don't do anything they shouldn't."

Sougo could have argued, but this could be his excuse to constantly trail the little girl without being mistaken for a creep. He stood up. "Fine. I'll go make sure they're not up to no good right now."

"And one more thing… You're aware of their strength, yes?"

Sougo looked at the woman over his shoulder. "You're yatos."

"Then I don't need to explain myself," the woman said as she slipped back under the covers. "If you know enough about yatos, you know that they can't survive long in sunlight; it's been raining for a while now, but please bring that umbrella to her just in case." The woman turned over.

Sougo was somewhat irritated that she was this comfortable around a complete stranger. He just broke into this woman's house and she was already telling him to watch her kids. 'I suppose that's desperation then...' Instead he fulfilled her request, swooping down to get the child's umbrella, and then left through the door, off to find wherever those brats ran off to.

* * *

Mitsuba's dwelling was rather small; it was more apartment sized if anything, yet it had a deck like any typical countryside house. Kagura was staying in Sougo's room, as he was to sleep with his sister for just this night.

The room was slightly smaller than the average size of any normal room, but it was a comfortable size for Kagura, considering that she couldn't remember the last time she didn't need to sleep in a closet.

She didn't feel tired at all yet, so she opened the shoji, at first just to get air into the room, but then decided to sit down at the porch's ledge and look at the sky.

"I guess it's true what they say. There are more stars where there are less city lights, yes?" she inquired to herself.

The shoji to the room next to hers opened and Kondo and Hijikata stepped out. "Are you sure you don't want us to stay here, just for tonight? You still don't know this girl."

Mitsuba's voice came from inside the room; Kagura could see her silhouette through the shouji. "Yes, I'm sure we'll be perfectly fine," she assured him. "Gurako-san may not be as formal as most, but she doesn't seem to have any ill intent."

Kondo waved and Hijikata nodded before sliding the door shut. They turned and saw Kagura watching them. Hijikata walked a bit more before saying, "Good, you're already out. We're going to have a talk."

Kondo didn't look worried, more so out of the loop. "Toushi?"

Without warning, Hijikata began to unsheathe and then jabbed in Kagura's direction.

Kagura didn't expect the surprise attack and so turned her shoulder to miss the blade's direction. She was about to counter when she realized that the blade was wooden; nothing but a training sword. The hilt of the sword stopped right before where Kagura's face had been. Even if she hadn't moved, she wouldn't have been hit anyway.

Hijikata sheathed his blade. "So it appears you really aren't defenseless, hm?"

"But I told you that earlier, yes?!" Kagura spat back irritably. 'I just mind my own business and this tsundere comes at me.'

Hijikata looked down at her with a glare. "Listen up; I don't think you're up to anything, so you better not change your mind on that. You put a finger on them and I won't hold back, even if you are a woman."

"Right back at you, girl with the sleek black hair," Kagura said with a vein popping out of her forehead.

Hijikata clenched his teeth, irritated, but simply made a sound of annoyance and walked away.

"Y-You'll have to forgive Toushi…" Kondo said awkwardly as he sat next to Kagura. "You see, he's very protective."

"Protective of what?" inquired Kagura as she scooted away a little, the thought of being so close to the Gorilla disgusting her.

Kondo ignored the question and looked at her bracelet. "Gurako-san, tell me… Do you know who Tom Cruise is?"

"Sure do," Kagura responded as she looked up at the sky and kicked her dangling feet, "but I prefer Brad Pitt, uh-huh."

Kondo leaned back a little and looked up as well. "Is that so?" He paused. "You see, before Toushi joined my dojo, he was more of a lone wolf; he has the vendetta of many dojos around here, and then some. He was a dojo buster," he explained. "It didn't help that this place was full of thugs and ruffians in the first place; Bushuu may be out of the way of the war, but it's by no means a safe place."

Kagura noted that the war was happening during this time after all. "So after the Mayora joined your dojo, everyone started coming after you all, yes?"

Kondo turned away for a brief second. "'Mayora?' Toushi, even strangers are put off by your weird habits!" he muttered to himself. He cleared his throat and turned back to Kagura. "Not everybody," he corrected. "In fact, our dojo's growing prowess was partly due to Toshi, which attracted more members. But yes, for the most part anyone within our affiliation gets targeted, which is why Toushi is so protective over Mitsuba-san, since she can't fend for herself."

"Hm?" Kagura hummed, raising an eyebrow. If Kagura didn't know any better, she would have thought that Hijikata and Mitsuba had some pretty strong unresolved sexual tension, considering how distant Hijikata seemed from women in the present.

"The only reason he isn't suspicious of you being up to no good is because you seem lost here, therefore have no specific goal around these parts, and it seems Mitsuba-dono has taken a liking to you." Kondo stood up and looked back at her. "It's only for a day, but if you don't mind, please return the favor of Mistuba-dono letting you stay here."

"How? I have as much money as you get when children throw coins into your cage for you to do tricks, you Gorilla."

"G-Gorilla?" Kondo looked back at her, a face of bafflement.

Kagura tilted her head. 'I guess he doesn't really look like a gorilla at this age, yes?'

"How could she possibly have known about-" Kondo cleared his throat and pretended he didn't hear the insult. "Mitsuba-dono isn't in good health, so we don't like her to move around a lot… Not only that, but she is always surrounded by us men, so I think she was excited to see another girl her around her age stroll around these parts," he explained. "If you could please just keep her company, I'm sure she'd be ecstatic." Kondo gave her a winning smile and then continued on his way. "It'd be really appreciated!" he called back as Kagura watched his fleeting form.

Kagura just stared blankly. She didn't know if she wanted to try and befriend a woman she knew was dead in the future; heck, she didn't even know how long she'd be stuck in this time period. Maybe going to sleep was like holding the reset button on a game console. Maybe she'd open her eyes just to find herself back in that capsule.

Kagura leapt up and was about to head back inside, but from the corner of her eye she saw half of Sougo's face glaring at her; he was peeking from the door.

Kagura tediously picked her nose. "Yeah? What do you want, uh-huh?"

Sougo was alarmed at being caught and so hastily closed the shouji door, disappearing back into the other room.

Kagura flicked her pickings and stared back at the now-closed door with mild annoyance. "If you're going to eavesdrop, do a better job, yes?" she said to herself and headed back into her room to get some shut-eye and hopefully wake up back at Gengai's.

* * *

 **A/N :** Not much going on this chapter, sorry. (Trust me it all goes downhill from here, the only thing I actually planned out in this fic is the ending, I'm just winging everything before that). Next chapter Shinpachi shows up though, so any of you with glasses, look forward to your kin. Also, Gintoki's segment was rather short this chapter, but the next one will be longer. And expect older Sougo to interact with mini Kagura more.

I also apologize if anything here seems rushed or abrupt, but throughout my fanfiction history I noticed that I lacked consistency, so I'm trying to keep the wordcount around the same per chapter.

 _ **Overdue Prologue Guest Review Responses :**_

Guest : For now I won't be giving up =P Thank you for the compliment, and simplistic name that doesn't mess with my half-asleep mind at this hour.

Matsuki Sakata : I agree, Gintoki's past is one of the most interesting ones in Gintama, and I'll even go as far to say he has one of the most interesting ones within the characters presented here; it's just that I'd then have to send Hijikata to his past. Yeah, there would be some really feely interactions, but for the most part Hijikata wouldn't have anything he can give to younger Gintoki, nor could younger Gintoki teach Hijikata anything he doesn't already know. I mean, if you're that desperate for Gintoki's past, there was Hijikata's dismembered arm over the Shiroyasha's shoulder =P Thanks for reading.

NOTICEME : Cool indeed.

 _ **Chapter Guest Review Responses :**_

Ganbatte : Good indeed.

SkyHana : Thanks for voting =) But it seems you were outvoted, haha. Yeah, it seems to be agreed that "Anueue" is the better choice for the reasons you listed, so thanks for the input, and for reading. (Great? Ohoho… We'll see… .)

Sasha : Why thank you =P Vote acknowledged, but Chibikata was still beat out =/ Sorry, but I'll try to make ol' Thorny worth your while =P But to be honest, if I did send Gintoki to Chibikata's past instead, he would've been sent to a point in time after the incident; recent enough that Hijikata still seemed haunted by it though. Thanks for reading and reviewing~


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